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TV Time

Shirely Feeney is dead and I’m mad.

I can’t tell you why exactly but maybe I’m mad because Cindy William’s death is just another reminder that parts of my childhood just slip away. They will never return but will always stay a part of my life forever. Thanks to the endless amount of streaming services and YouTube clips, “schlemiel schlimazel hasenpfeffer incorporated” will still be humming along in my brain when I think of my old fave tv shows that filled my early years with so many laughs.  

Life is a series of Laverne and Shirleys. They were little pockets of gold that entertained you on nights when things may not have been so good during the day. You might have had a bad day at school because you thought the girls were talking behind your back on the bus ride home. Maybe your dance class was cancelled, and you were left waiting on the curb to be picked up for an hour because there were no texts or emails to alert you back in the day. Whatever the day held, our choice of shows that made us laugh always delivered a shot of happiness that returned your body and mind into the upright position. Early on in Kiki/Karen history there were heartthrobs that caught my eye and I could not wait the 7 days to see him again on tv. If I was fortunate enough, there would be a new “Tiger Beat” magazine out at the stationery store that week which if I was lucky enough carry at least a glimpse of the crush I was looking for. David Cassidy or Donny Osmond were never in short supply on tv or in print!  

When the kids were small, the Disney Channel was in its infancy and was jam packed with fun shows for them. I became addicted to their world that included such gems at The Suite Life of Zack and Cody or the animated Phinneas and Ferb. Julia can still recite lines from each show much like I can tell you the entire season catalog of Happy Days episodes from 1974 to 1984. Yowza…Yowza…Yowza. If you know, you know. Vintage “Emergency” and “Adam 12” still play on in our house thanks to Jake discovering these classics and memorizing the characters and story lines.  

A throwback to the early shows and days also brings back memories of sneaking down the hall to catch glimpses of “The Merv Griffin Show” some nights when I couldn’t sleep. Across the living room with the brownish/rust colored Berber carpet was our television set on the brass tv stand. Merv would welcome his guests onto his very mod looking chairs on the set and they would smoke and talk about their upcoming film or project. It was glamorous and I loved every glimpse I could soak in. My parents would be laughing along while glued to each word. Our dog was nestled between them feeling like the luckiest  miniature schnauzer in America.  

Heavy sigh…farewell Shirley. Say hi to Laverne and The Big Ragu for me. They have all gone to that big sitcom in the sky. Hopefully they are entertaining everyone up there that has enjoyed them for so many years like we did back down here on good old earth. I’d love to hear about your selections and discuss someday. There were so many choices despite the only 13 channels and gasp…no remote control.

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Tap. Tap. Tap.

This past weekend my girls and I met up at Vanessa’s house for a yard sale. Vanessa’s block was participating in an entire block of driveway sales. Jumping at the chance to spend time with Vanessa and belly laugh, I loaded up the Jeep with bins of “stuff” and headed over.

The day was filled with endless rounds of people rifling through my stuff which I thought I had priced low yet reasonable. At the New York yard sale though…the attendees are looking for a bargain that really says “free”. There is a huge amount of vicious negotiation (which mind you can escalate quickly) which sometimes can result in a “free” transaction purely because the buyer has worn me down to the point that if the exchange didn’t stop, I would be wearing an orange jumpsuit and doing pull-ups on my cell block doorframe.

The day moved on and I thought about the hilarious and even meaningful encounters I had during the day. Many of you know my deep seated view about the Universe and how it can tap you on the shoulder and teach you a thing or two. It can place people in your path that you may never see again. Sometimes, it can do both. You need to pay attention to said tap and how it arrives. As we all finished up our sales we sat around crisp from a day in the sun. We exchanged yard sale war stories because on Long Island, New York, we all have at least a few to share.

Many moons before, when we were only in our house a few years, we had a yard sale. Maureen and I sat on my front lawn for hours watching endless amounts of cars pull up looking for very specific items from collectibles to vintage door handles. We giggled and snickered throughout the day. As I was dismantling the operation at the end of the day, I saw and “heard” someone approaching. A very well dressed gentleman in a fedora was walking towards us. What I heard was tapping coming from his feet. Tap. Tap. Tappity. Tap. Tap. “Good day ladies” he said smoothly with a tip of his fedora. I thought oh my…The sharp dressed gent asked if I had any sheet music for sale. This was years before my Broadway Baby Jules arrived on the scene so my answer was a hard no. I politely answered and thanked him for stopping by. As he walked away I jokingly yelled “I do however have a lovely cake plate with your name on it” . Flash forward to 2021 at Vanessa’s where we smiled and laughed at the great day we had together.

Yesterday I arrived at a nursing rehab where my Dad is currently a patient (I have not shared this story with many people yet so forgive me. I’m still processing what is happening). Dad and I were waiting for the elevator. I was taking Dad in his wheelchair down to the patio where we could enjoy some time together on a very late Summer day. The elevator door opened. Everyone jockeyed for position in the elevator.

A gentleman tapped me on the shoulder. I turned to say hello. He tipped his fedora and said to me “Good day Miss. If you are interested, I will be playing some tunes for our patients in the lounge area if you would like to bring this fine gentleman”. I smiled and thanked him. The door opened and the dapper man in the fedora exited..his shoes were tapping on the tile as he walked. Under his arm was a pile of sheet music. My goodness. It was the same man from years earlier.

An hour later, Mommy and I wheeled Dad into the lounge and watched Dad light up and clap his hands as Mr. Fedora crooned a B side Elvis tune. There was a glow around Dad’s head that we haven’t seen in s month or so. I looked at Mommy and said “I love you. Everything is going to be ok. The Universe just tapped me on the shoulder and told me so.”

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No One Likes to Wait

No one likes to wait. It is uncomfortable. Depending on how bad we want something or how much of a hurry we are in – waiting stinks. The line at the supermarket…New York traffic…waiting for Christmas morning…everyone’s list is different, but no one likes to wait. I was scheduled for bloodwork this morning for an upcoming doctor’s appointment. Given my disdain for needles and well, the wait, I left 30 minutes before the lab opened. I had zero coffee in me having observed the strict eight hours fast prior to the test. I ran from my car into the building expecting to hurdle over any senior citizen I found in my path on the way to the lab. I took the stairs two at a time rather than facing a wait at the elevator. Much to my surprise I rounded the corner and found myself FIRST. Victory was mine. The lab techs arrived and reminded me that the lab opened at 7:30 a.m. and it was first come-first served. I relaxed and messaged my friends until the next patient arrived. 

A gentleman greeted me and asked if he was next. His eyes were warm, and he seemed very friendly. As most people know everyone looks familiar to me. I am forever saying “Isn’t that so and so?” I drive people nuts with this. Sorry people. The gentleman sat down and opened his New York Times. I turned to him and said softly “Pardon me…are you Dr. Weiss?” he looked at me over his glasses and said, “Who wants to know?”. I explained that I had been a patient of his for 14 years and he delivered my children. He stood up and said “My dear Karen. How have you been?” The tears flowed, and I instinctively hugged him. 

I had met Dr. Weiss in 1987 as a new patient who was newly engaged. He was a funny man who always took my fear of doctors to heart and made me feel at ease. We talked about many world topics during each visit and he explained whatever was happening with my body as if I was his daughter. He was caring and made me feel like I was his only patient. A year after I was married I explained that we would like to start planning a family. We discussed many different scenarios and were cleared to start planning pregnancy. Months turned into a year with no success. All of our friends were also getting married and starting their same journey. 

Another year went on and it was obvious that nothing was happening in the baby arena. Blood tests were performed. Gynocological exams and procedures were introduced. All tests were negative. There was really no reason as to why we couldn’t conceive. Medications were prescribed, and things started to get tight. My moods dipped as one friend got pregnant…then another…it was starting to wear on me. Dr. Weiss was very reassuring and full of positivity. My dear Karen he would say…God will make you a mommy when the time is right. After another few months I was referred to Dr. Weiss’ best friend, Dr. Avner Herschlag who coincidentally had a very famous daughter named Natalie Portman. We went through two rounds of treatment with Dr. Herschlag. One evening I ended up in the ER with a terrible stomach bug that just would not go away. Well it wouldn’t go away because it wasn’t a virus but a baby. Our dream had finally come true. Dr. Weiss called me at 11 pm that night at home. He was crying and full of congratulations. The next few weeks were wonderful filled with blood tests and sonograms. The baby would be here in December. 

After losing the baby a few months later we returned to Dr. Weiss. My head was in my hands and I sobbed hot tears for what seemed like an eternity. He held my hand said “My dear Karen. I want you to go home. We need to take some time off here”. That we did. We took a trip to the Bahamas that next month to clear our heads. More friends were pregnant. More getting married. It was consuming me. 

A month after our trip we decided to try adoption. We had a phone installed in our guest bedroom for “the call”. We advertised in papers around the country. There was no internet then. It was all me canvassing the library and magazines looking for leads. Finally, we received a call. A mother from Arizona was due to give birth in April. We found a well-known lawyer on Long Island who was confident about the birth mother and said that the “transaction” should run smoothly. All was going well until that phone rang again and the mother coolly told me she had chosen another couple. Turns out in the end that the other couple offered a better “cash” option up front according to our attorney. 

After another year I returned to Dr. Weiss who was thrilled to see me. He knew of a colleague who specialized in IVF and could help us based on my test results. We took the plunge and visited Dr. Richard Bronson. The rest is history as most of you know. Jake was our first “fresh” cycle and Jules our “frozen” cycle. Dr. Weiss held Jake for the first time after birth and said, “Young man – no child will ever be loved more”. Such truth. Months later I heard Dr. Weiss had retired but he literally slipped away from the practice with no explanation. Years later I had heard that the malpractice fees were astronomical, and he decided to retire. 

The door opened, and the lab technician called Dr. Weiss and I in together. He said “My dear Karen I am humbled to have talked with you today. Wishing you love on the rest of your journey.” We hugged again. I may never see him again, but my life today was made complete for I was able to say thank you to a man who made me a mom. The universe placed this angel in front of me today. This was a wait I will never forget. 

 

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Coincidence? I Think Not.

Synchronicity takes center stage in my life more often than not lately. Perhaps it always has and I just didn’t pay attention. Yesterday I believe god tapped me on the shoulder and said “watch this” as yesterday’s events unfolded. The universe was about to deliver another amazing show.

Her name was Marsha and she was my sisters oldest and best friend. She was bubbly. She had a laugh that would knock you over. She was witty. Marsha loved her friends and family fiercely in this girl’s opinion. Her two little girls are cute as buttons and her husband is someone who walked into her life and just clicked from the start.

Yesterday we all met to say goodbye to our friend who received staggering news some mere weeks before. Marsha was diagnosed with a rare heart cancer that whisked her off of our stage in Act One.

I left work to attend shiva at Marshy’s home with a quick stop at my fave bakery to pick up a few items for the family. In addition to my selection I decided to buy these gorgeous painted cookie creations that this bakery is known for. I thought Marsha’s princesses should have a treat. Shiva usually doesn’t offer choices for the kids and I wanted them to maybe smile a teensy bit. The bakery gal was lovely and commended me on my cookie choice of unicorns and butterflies. After paying I told the navigation fairies where I wanted to go and off I went.

Driving to Marshy’s I thought about my sister who lost her friend and how she must be feeling. I love my friends with such passion that I cannot imagine losing one of them. My thoughts went to Marsha’s parents and how they will remember what a gorgeous soul they raised. The next thoughts were of Mitchell who just lost his only baby sister in the blink of an eye. Our families were connected with my sister and Marsha and coincidentally Mitch and I having dated in and after college. I was now a block away from the house and I was anxious to see everyone. The navigation fairies slapped me again and dumped me at the wrong house. As you know I can get lost in a paper bag.

It struck me as I entered the house that there were still no tears from me since I received the news on Saturday. The door opened and I was enveloped by Marsha. I felt it. A picture of my friend was right in front of me. She was smiling the way she did – a giant beam with her eyes. I always told her that her smiles came from her eyes. She had an awesome face that drew you in every time. I hugged some very fabulous people on the way to the yard and was watching everyone chat about our girl that was taken way too soon. Marsha’s cousin took my cookies to the girls after I explained that I hope they liked the designs.

I was sitting at the table with my sister and her friends. We were joined by Mitchell who was explaining how he created his eulogy. We were all engaged and laughing. Mitch has a larger than life sense of humor and pulls you in from the first hello. As he’s talking I notice a large butterfly who is literally flying in what seemed like a figure 8 around many of those at the table. Usually butterflies flit briefly and leave. Not this one. If lingered throughout our entire conversation. I thought..that butterfly is Marsha. The cookies. Butterflies. At that very moment I glanced right. On the lawn in the girls play area was…wait for it…a giant inflatable unicorn. I turned white and choked back the tears. Synchronicity. The rest of my visit was fabulous. Brief in nature but reconnecting with old friends and listening to stories of Marsha that warmed my soul.

It was time to resume my routine and drive home. I could see the unicorn as I left the house. I got in the car and sobbed. I finally cried. I was given the gifts of Marsha and Mitchell and all of these beautiful people connected to them. The universe stepped in and gave me unicorns and butterflies to remind me that there are no coincidences. We are all connected for a reason.

Today I’m asking that you hug the ones you love with every ounce of strength you have during Act One and pay attention to the signs that were placed on your stage. Coincidences? I think not.

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Taking Chances

Finally, she mused 
that human existence 
is as brief as the life of autumn grass, 

So what was there to fear 
from taking chances with your life?

Mo Yan, Red Sorghum

I do my best thinking while blow drying my hair each day. Some people take long drives to contemplate a situation. Some meditate. Some spend hours in a therapist’s office hoping to find clarity. I however ponder life, weigh out my life scenarios, and even make my most important decisions while using a ridiculously large round brush and an 1800-watt hair dryer. 

Often I find myself overthinking a situation (I know this may shock some loyal Kiki followers – insert your snarky laugh here) and weighing in with 8,789 reasons why I should or should not do something. These last few years though I have shed these doubts and bouts with overthinking simply because I realize that life is short. Just do it as the Nike ad suggests. There are a million sayings that can fit this notion of “It’s Now or Never” – hell even Elvis sang about it and made millions with this approach. How did I get here though? 

Years of vulnerability and wanting to feel safe kept me in a very stable bubble. If I kept status quo and average, I would never rock the boat and life would be good. There would be no anxiety. No worry. No reason to get upset because everything was just the way it was supposed to be. 

Or was it? 

Certainly, my fitness journey gave me the confidence I lacked or shoved below sea level for years. I finally surfaced and declared…yes declared that I would no longer accept average in my life. I started to take chances that I never thought possible. Always outgoing I became fearless at work, became a master problem solver with a take no prisoners type attitude, and did not stop until I figured out any problem placed before me. At home, I was now handling situations with the kids with zero worry. Looking forward and not back was much more fulfilling than wallowing in the past and letting my feet remain stuck in the mud. 

Are there days when I am stuck in the war of the “what ifs”? You bet. I was just discussing this the other night and admitted that I sometimes allow the what ifs to rule me. I was reminded that practicing “mindfulness” and dealing with the right here and now would be the key. I am now soaking up as much of this practice as I can. Kiki promise to blog about this in the hopefully near future. Now back to my point about taking chances. 

The fitness thing led to Spartan which led to well…the key to everything I had been looking for even when I did not know I was looking. Every damn thing on that course from the rocks, the mud (that goddamn thigh high mud), obstacles, elevation, the comradery, random conversations, and finally – jumping fire represents life. Each race I have run has taught me more about me than any amount of therapy ever could. There was one race though that stands out as my signature race. I think about it every damn day (and not just when I am drying my hair). Tuxedo 2018. My third time on that mountain. I ran alone. Well, I was not alone – in Spartan, you are never alone. You are with thousands of fellow racers all there with the same purpose. Nevertheless, this day, I ran happy and was so at peace. I emerged from each part of the trail truly renewed. I came up with new mental strategies to prepare myself for the next leg. I was smiling more than I ever did in a race. I was so alive. There are other races when I can feel myself approaching the finish line. You can hear the music from the festival area pumping. You can feel the energy from the crowds and the surge of adrenaline from the last obstacles. But mostly for me…you can smell the fire. I can feel it in my bones. It NEVER signifies the finish for me. It is a symbol of taking chances and a leap of faith. There are some races when I am only physically able to hop over the line of fire. Not this time. I turned the corner to find the final rig obstacle. I nailed it (yay me) and looked ahead at the line of flames and the finish line beyond them. Yes, I could have hopped over as before and race towards the medal. I could have accepted this because it is what I normally did. But no. I train every night (yes every night) to no longer accept average. As my friend, Scott tells me “You must train with the single purpose to reach that finish line”. And so I sprinted. I sprinted as if I was running to catch the last plane off the burning planet. That is when it happened. I lept. Sailed over those flames. I landed with my hands in the air and tears streaming down my cheeks. The medal was soon around my neck and I was at peace. Really…what was to fear from taking chances? 

I will no longer be rooted and stuck in fear of taking chances and stepping outside of my comfort zone. I realize that it will be tough. I will still have days peppered with anxiety but I look back and realize it is a far worse life if I never take these chances. As Mo Yan says…our human existence is as brief as the autumn grass. 

Let go. Leap. Take chances. 

Live. 

 

Did You Google It?

Daily Prompt 2820

By now you know that I grew up without the World Wide Web. The closest I came to surfing the internet was learning how to use the microfiche machine at the Bethpage Public Library back in the early 1970s.

We also had a full set of Encyclopaedia Britannica, which I believe my parents acquired by opening an account at Reliance Federal Bank in town. If we needed to research something for school or settle a family debate, we pulled the appropriate volume off the shelf and flipped through those meticulously alphabetized pages. If the answer wasn’t there, we hopped on our bikes and pedaled across town to the library.

That was our search engine.

I don’t have to tell you how dramatically the world changed once the internet arrived. I dove headfirst into those technological waters and, quite frankly, haven’t come up for air since. In the immortal words of Jimmy Buffett, “I used to rule my world from a pay phone…” These days? I pretty much rule mine from my cell phone.

Our phones have become modern-day encyclopedias that fit in our pockets. There is virtually nothing you can’t learn online. Apple even coined one of its most memorable slogans back in 2009: “There’s an app for that.” They weren’t kidding. You can fix things, cook things, exercise, learn a language, decorate a house, diagnose why your hydrangeas are sulking, and probably teach a goat to tap dance if you’re willing to search long enough.

I don’t even know what generation I officially belong to anymore. Am I Gen X? Gen Z? Gen XYZ? Hold on…let me Google it.

My parents, born in 1939 and 1940, were introduced to the internet later in life. They were/are incredibly smart people, but this whole technology thing? Well…let’s just say my sister and I became the family IT department.

The calls came at all hours.

“Karen Anne…something’s wrong with the computer.”

One afternoon I drove over to my parents’ condo to find my dad in a complete tizzy.

“I don’t know,” he said. “It just isn’t working.”

I glanced at the computer tower. There, glowing quietly, was the blue power button.

I pressed it.

The computer sprang to life.

My father looked at me as though I had just performed open-heart surgery.

He called me a miracle worker.

I grabbed my keys, kissed him on the cheek, and said, “I learned from the best, Daddy.”

Then I giggled all the way home.

From that point on, my lessons became simple.

“When in doubt…Google it.”

I explained that if you typed almost any question into Google, you’d probably find your answer within the first few results. Once they mastered Googling, they graduated to YouTube.

Our next family curriculum included searching for instructional videos, saving them, forwarding them, and discovering that there really was a video for just about everything.

It was a glorious new chapter.

The very people who had once sent me downstairs to the encyclopedias and across town to the library were now being taught by their oldest daughter how to navigate the digital world.

I’m happy to report that Mom has become quite the student. She’s currently designing her new bathroom using ideas, photos, and apps she’s finding entirely on her own. I couldn’t be prouder.

Watching all of this unfold has made me realize something. During my lifetime, learning didn’t become easier—it became more accessible. We traded card catalogs for search bars, encyclopedias for smartphones, and waiting days for answers for finding them in seconds. But the real lesson hasn’t changed one bit. Curiosity is still the engine. Whether we were turning brittle pages in Volume G of the Britannica or asking Google a question at two o’clock in the morning, the joy has always been the same. We simply never stopped learning. We just found faster, smarter, and sometimes far more entertaining ways to get there.

The Installation Dinner

Talk about the fire service for more than five minutes and one thing becomes crystal clear: these are people who willingly run toward burning buildings while the rest of us are running away.

Volunteer firefighters. Career firefighters. Police officers. Vice presidents of banks. Auto body shop owners. School custodians. Restaurant owners. Electricians. Teachers. Moms. Dads. Every profession imaginable is represented in those firehouse bays. I live with two men who have given their lives to our local department. My husband has served for over 40 years and our son is an Honorary member.

The pager goes off and everything else stops.

Family dinners are left half-eaten. Backyard barbecues suddenly have an empty chair. Birthday parties, holidays, anniversaries, warm beds in the middle of the night—it doesn’t matter. They answer the call because someone, somewhere, needs help.
It’s a life built on selflessness, responsibility, and kindness.

Last night we attended our volunteer fire department’s annual Installation Dinner. It’s an evening where new officers are sworn in, accomplishments are celebrated, medals are awarded to firefighters who went above and beyond the call of duty, and those who made the ultimate sacrifice or have gone on to Heaven are remembered with tremendous respect.

After the speeches, applause, and congratulations settled down, dinner was served. Then, without warning, the sound of chairs scraping across the floor broke through the room.

Silence.

One of the firefighters had begun choking while eating his dinner.

His company member sitting across from him calmly stood up, walked behind him, performed the Heimlich maneuver, and within moments the obstruction was cleared.

About five minutes later?

Everyone—including the firefighter who had just been saved—sat back down and finished dinner.

It was what I like to call a classic “please pass the mashed potatoes” moment.

Business as usual for these everyday heroes.

Last night’s emergency just happened to involve one of their own.

Later in the evening I watched Jake out on the dance floor laughing with his buddies. I looked around the room and couldn’t help but smile. Familiar faces smiled back. Some waved from across the room. Some blew kisses. Others walked over with hugs and stories about vacations, parties, practical jokes, and memories we’ve shared over decades.

I realized once again how incredibly fortunate I am to have landed in this family of heroes.

Then I felt a tap on my right shoulder.

Standing there was a friend I’ve known since grade school.

He joined our volunteer department as a teenager and eventually rose to the rank of Chief, all while serving as a career firefighter with the FDNY.

On September 11, 2001, he was one of the thousands of firefighters who responded to the Twin Towers.

In the days that followed, two of our close friends who were FDNY firefighters were missing. We couldn’t reach them. We were frantic.

Thankfully, Richie and another friend were eventually found alive.

Our friend Brian never came home.

The night after the attacks, I sat down and wrote Richie a letter.

I honestly hadn’t thought much about it over the years.

Last night, nearly twenty-five years later, Richie hugged me and told me he still remembers that letter. He said it reminded him of the overwhelming love and support he felt from our fire department family during the darkest days of his life. Whenever he felt like giving up, those words reminded him that he wasn’t carrying the weight alone.

Even now, retired and living in Florida, he still thinks about that letter and what it represented.

Not just words.

Family.

We clinked our glasses together and toasted the friends we’ve lost, the friends who remain, and the family this fire service creates.

It’s a bond that doesn’t retire. It doesn’t move away. It doesn’t disappear with time.

The next time you hear sirens echoing down your street or see flashing red lights racing toward someone else’s emergency, pause for just a moment. Let it sink in. Inside those trucks are people who have left behind half-finished dinners, sleeping children, quiet conversations, and ordinary moments they may never get back. They go anyway. Every time.

Most of us will never know their names. We won’t hear their stories. We won’t see the weight they carry long after the sirens fade.

They don’t ask us to.

They simply answer the call.

And after witnessing moments like last night—from saving one of their own over dinner to carrying the memories of September 11 nearly a quarter century later—I’m reminded that heroism isn’t loud. It isn’t performed for recognition. It lives in the quiet decisions, the steady hands, the unwavering presence when it matters most.

It lives in family.

In loyalty that never fades.

In love that shows up, again and again, no matter the cost.

Keep Rowing

Every week my social media feeds are flooded with products, gadgets, books, services, and films that I apparently need to buy or watch RIGHT NOW. The algorithms are relentless. They know me far better than I’d like to admit.

And because my shopping tendencies are well documented (mostly by the Amazon delivery drivers), it’s no secret that I often surrender. Before I know it, whatever caught my attention is sitting on my front porch within a day or two.

This week, however, Instagram kept knocking on my door with something different. Instead of another kitchen gadget or pair of sneakers, it introduced me to a new Apple TV documentary called Row for Life.

The film follows Angela Madsen—a retired Marine, Paralympian, and extraordinary athlete—who, at the age of sixty, set out to row solo across the Pacific Ocean from Los Angeles to Hawaii.

I quickly learned that this wasn’t her first impossible dream. Angela had already successfully crossed the Atlantic Ocean twice despite being partially paralyzed from the waist down. Before long I was completely hooked. Listening to her describe the preparation, the physical demands, and the winding road that had brought her to this moment was captivating.

If you’re looking for something meaningful to watch, I encourage you to find this documentary.

Go ahead.

I’ll wait.

Seriously.

But if you don’t already know how the story ends, stop reading now and come back after you’ve watched it.

I’ll still be here.

I wasn’t prepared for what I experienced.

As I drove to the gym this morning at the completely unreasonable hour of 4:35 a.m., I couldn’t stop thinking about Angela. I had questions. Lots of them. The ending stayed with me. It haunted me. Yet somehow, so did her determination to keep rowing.

Did I expect the fairy-tale ending?

Absolutely.

I wanted the triumphant finish. The celebration. The crossing of the finish line.

Maybe that’s because I know what it’s like to train for one. I’ve spent months preparing for races, dreaming about crossing that final line with my hands in the air. I’ve also experienced my share of DNFs—Did Not Finish—not just on obstacle courses, but in life itself.

Instead of letting the story go, I started digging.

I looked up the filmmaker and discovered a podcast about the six-year journey of bringing this documentary to life. Six years. Imagine believing in a story for that long.

Naturally, I found her Instagram page and followed her. I left a comment explaining how deeply the film had affected me and how haunted I was by Angela’s story while simultaneously inspired by her relentless courage.

To my surprise, she responded just a few hours later.

Instant fan.

She is a remarkable storyteller, and she honored Angela’s life with incredible care and compassion.

Driving home through the rain this afternoon, I realized something.

Not every story gets the ending we desperately want.

Not every race ends with medals.

Not every dream reaches the shore.

But maybe that isn’t the point.

Maybe the point is to keep rowing anyway.

To keep showing up when the waves are higher than we expected.

To keep believing in ourselves when no one is standing on the shoreline cheering.

To keep moving forward even when the finish line disappears beyond the horizon.

Angela Madsen reminded me that courage isn’t measured by how a story ends. It’s measured by the willingness to begin, to keep going, and to refuse to let fear decide when the journey is over. None of us are promised a fairy-tale ending. We are, however, given the opportunity to choose how we face the miles in front of us. Whether the shoreline is ten feet away or ten miles beyond what we can see, I’ll keep rowing. I hope you will too.

A Recipe for the Fourth

Happy Fourth of July! 🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸

Our recipe for celebrating America’s birthday is pretty simple.

Start with our small town parade, waving flags, proud Marines, bagpipes, and marching bands. Add a few pool floats, a platter of clams, a couple of cocktails, and a table at a marina. Finish it all off with one spectacular sunset.

Now stir in plenty of smiles, laughter, and family stories—some we’ve told a hundred times and somehow still laugh at just as hard as the first time.

That’s it. That’s the recipe.

No fancy ingredients required. Just gratitude for the people beside us, appreciation for the freedoms we often take for granted, and another opportunity to celebrate this beautiful country we call home.

Happy Birthday, America. 🇺🇸

Wait…That’s Not How That Works?

I have a confession to make.

Every so often, life taps me on the shoulder, laughs just a little, and says, “Kiki…bless your heart.”

Sometimes I believe I’m an intelligent person. I raised two children who somehow survived adulthood. I’ve navigated cancer, a flipped Jeep, Spartan races, PTA meetings, and enough office politics to qualify for a minor in diplomacy.

Yet every now and then I discover I’ve been carrying around a belief that turns out to be spectacularly…wrong.

Take hurricane evacuation routes. I passed one of these blue and white sign beauties on a pole today. My eyes caught it at a red light. I burst out laughing.

For years—and I do mean years—I honestly believed that if you followed those blue hurricane evacuation signs all the way to the coast, there would be boats waiting to ferry everyone to safety.

It made perfect sense to me.

“Hurricane coming? Head toward the water. The boats are there.”

I pictured an organized operation. Coast Guard. Ferries. Maybe someone with a clipboard checking names before waving us aboard. We’d all sail off into the sunset while the hurricane did its thing.

Imagine my surprise when someone finally explained that an evacuation route is actually the road that gets you away from the coast.

Away.

Not toward.

Apparently, the giant body of water producing the hurricane isn’t where they’re trying to send you.

A few years ago Ernie and I had just finished a delish lunch on our way from the Tampa airport to our resort and were updating the GPS with the address. I spotted the Hurricane Route sign. I said “Ern you can turn there. That’s the way to the coast.”Ernie looked up and straight into my eyes. He said calmly…”Wait. You think there are boats waiting to pick you up in a hurricane?” My heart sank and in that moment I had never felt so blonde and naive. Instead of denying it I told the truth. “That’s right!” I declared. We giggled and drove towards the Gulf.

Once I admitted my hurricane theory out loud, I started wondering how many other things I’ve confidently believed without ever questioning them. It turns out my brain has been quietly writing its own instruction manual for decades.

The funny thing is, I don’t mind being wrong anymore.

Life has taught me that asking the embarrassing question is far better than spending another twenty years believing there’s a fleet of rescue boats waiting at the end of Long Island or in that case the west coast of Florida.

Besides, these little moments remind me that we all have gaps in our knowledge. Most people are just better at hiding them.

Me?

I write blog posts about them.

If my occasional misunderstanding gives someone else permission to laugh at themselves—or admit they’ve been quietly believing something equally ridiculous—then I’d say we’re all headed in the right direction.

The Fire Jump Was Never the Finish Line

If you had asked me ten years ago if I thought I’d be running through waist-high mud or carrying 75-pound sandbags up and down hills, I would have called you both crazy and delusional. Ten years ago, however, I approached a line of rocks and fire, leapt to the other side, threw my hands into the air, and stood there with tears streaming down my face.

At age fifty, I had conquered a goal I never imagined I’d even consider, let alone accomplish. Running a Spartan Race was certainly not on my bingo card.

Even after nine months of training, I had no real idea what I was getting myself into. The moment I entered the start corral—which, by the way, requires climbing over a six-foot wall just to get inside—I knew I was in for a battle. An uphill battle. Literally.

I climbed the first hill and immediately saw stars. My lungs looked around and collectively asked, “What in the world is happening here?”

Somewhere ahead of me I heard one of my trainers yell, “Where the F is Karen? Keep breathing, Karen! Keep breathing!”

And so I did.

For the next four hours and fifty-one minutes, I just kept breathing.

I rolled under barbed wire and sliced open my forehead. I commando crawled across rocks and left pieces of skin behind on my elbows and forearms. I swung from monkey bars, missed a grip midway through, and came dangerously close to donating a tooth to the course. Every obstacle seemed designed to convince me to quit.

I didn’t.

I kept moving forward until I eventually reached that finish line and jumped over the fire.

The following year, I cut my time in half.

Three years later, I completed that same course in just over an hour.

Progress.

Forward.

Proof that we are capable of far more than we give ourselves credit for.

Eventually, I upgraded to races that stretched close to twenty miles. I pushed my body far beyond limits I once thought were fixed. Along the way, I learned something important: life doesn’t stop when things get hard. It keeps moving. And because it keeps moving, so must we.

My Spartan adventures are well documented throughout the pages of this blog, so there’s no need to relive every mud pit, bruise, rope climb, or bucket carry. The real message after ten years isn’t about obstacle racing at all.

It’s about refusing to stop.

When an obstacle blocks your path, find another way around it. If you aren’t strong enough yet, train harder. If the answer is no, keep searching for a yes. Don’t settle for average simply because the first attempt didn’t work. Explore every avenue. Push every door. Exhaust every possibility before you ever consider giving up.

More than anything, I wanted my children to see that resilience isn’t something you talk about—it’s something you demonstrate. Life will knock you down. It will throw mud in your face, steal your breath, and occasionally leave you bleeding. But quitting can never be the automatic response.

Lately, I’ve scaled down from course racing to station racing, and that’s okay. As one of my closest peeps recently reminded me, “You’ve done it already. Let’s concentrate on new contests for you to win.”

And maybe that’s the lesson this decade of Spartan racing was really trying to teach me. The goal was never the mud, the medals, or even the fire jump. The goal was becoming the kind of person who believes she can tackle hard things. The contests may look different now, but the mindset remains the same. Keep breathing. Keep moving. Keep finding a way forward. Because whether you’re climbing a mountain, carrying a sandbag, or facing whatever life places in your path, the finish line isn’t where the victory happens. The victory happens the moment you decide not to quit. ❤️💙💚💜

Ready To Launch

Yesterday was more than a book launch. It was the culmination of years of conversations, observations, hard work, and a deep belief that leadership is less about titles and more about people.

I have watched my sister, Kathy, lead long before she ever put pen to paper. She has a remarkable way of making people feel seen, heard, and valued while still challenging them to become the very best versions of themselves. Those qualities don’t just make her an exceptional coach and speaker—they make her an extraordinary human being.

The E3 Leadership Code: A Human Approach to High Performance is a reflection of who she is at her core. It is thoughtful, authentic, and grounded in the understanding that the most effective leaders lead with both courage and heart.

As her sister, I couldn’t be prouder. It has been a privilege to stand on the sidelines cheering her on, and an even greater honor to celebrate beside her as this dream became reality. Congratulations, Kathy. The world is getting the gift of your wisdom, but those of us lucky enough to know you have been benefiting from it for years.

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

My sister asked me to share some words from my family angle about the book. Here is what I said:

Before I raise my glass, I’d like to say a few words.

So here we are. At the end of one road and the beginning of another.

The words that have been living inside Kathy’s head about leadership are finally out in the world and printed on these pages.

Truth be told, I suspect these ideas started taking shape long before Kathy ever accepted her first job offer. Kathy and I were raised in a family that talked openly about how to treat people. We were taught that you don’t judge someone until you’ve walked a mile in their moccasins. You treat people the way you want to be treated. You listen before you speak. You respect every person who crosses your path.

Those lessons came from our father, John Eastwood, with our mother, Anne Eastwood, right beside him holding his hand through every one of them.

I had the tremendous privilege of seeing those principles in action. Every summer and school break, I worked in our dad’s company. It was there that I learned leadership wasn’t born in the corner office or announced by a title on a business card. It was cultivated in the everyday moments.

It was knowing employees by name and asking about their families. It was having honest conversations about what people were thinking and feeling. It was treating everyone—from the newest hire to the most seasoned employee—with dignity and respect.

That approach built trust. Trust built loyalty. Loyalty inspired people to give their very best. Dad’s company thrived not simply because of what he did, but because of how he led. His team respected both the man he was and the example he set. It was team building at its finest.

Those lessons were certainly not lost on Kathy.

She witnessed firsthand what leadership looked like, and she took those lessons into every room she entered. Kathy became a take-charge kind of woman—okay, maybe a little too take-charge at times… insert your laugh here—but that drive, determination, and genuine care for people produced results everywhere she landed.

And now, she’s sharing those lessons with all of us.

Kathy, today may feel like the completion of your first book’s journey, but I have a feeling this is only the beginning. This book will travel farther than you can imagine. It will sit on desks, nightstands, conference tables, and bookshelves. It will encourage leaders who have lost their way, inspire those just beginning their careers, and remind people that leadership isn’t about power—it’s about people.

You are about to touch lives, strengthen businesses, and change the way people think about leading others because of the wisdom, compassion, and experience you’ve poured into these pages.

So tonight, let’s celebrate not just the accomplishment of publishing a book, but the woman behind it—the sister, daughter, wife, leader, mentor, and now author.

Please raise your glasses with me.

Here’s to our newest author, Kathy Eastwood. May this be the first of many books, and may the road ahead be even more extraordinary than the one that brought you here.

Cheers.

Still So Much To Be Done

I spend many mornings here with all of you on WordPress and Jetpack. After my morning meditation and mindfulness practice, followed by my wildly competitive Wordle showdown, I settle into my favorite chair with a cup of coffee and read your beautifully crafted blogs. You make me laugh, think, cry, and occasionally nod my head so hard I nearly spill my coffee.

Most nights, though, sleep and I aren’t exactly on speaking terms. Anxiety likes to clock in for the overnight shift, leaving me restless and, if I’m being honest, a little down by morning. But by the time I hit the start button on the Jeep and begin my drive toward my little coastal work town, something shifts. The sea salt air sneaks in through the cracks of the day ahead and reminds me to exhale. Another sunrise. Another chance to begin again.

Lately, I’ve found myself wrestling with the realization that the light switch can be turned off at any moment.

This week on one of those sleepless nights, my mind wandered back to that awful childhood game of Musical Chairs. What sadist invented that game anyway? A bunch of kids circling chairs like tiny caffeinated bulls, waiting for the music to stop so they could dive for survival. If you didn’t find a seat, you were out. That’s it. Game over.

Honestly, that game should come with a lifetime supply of co-payments for future therapy sessions.

I’m a realist. I know the music eventually stops for all of us. That’s the game of life. It’s not death itself that unsettles me so much as the thought that I still have things left undone. Stories I want to write. Places I want to see. People I want to hug a little tighter. Some days I make peace with that truth. Other days, it taps me on the shoulder and whispers, “Are you sure you’re making the most of this?”

This morning, the answer arrived courtesy of Jimmy Buffett.

I pulled out of the driveway early and headed to the gym. No Shoes Radio played through the speakers. Then came “Last Mango in Paris.”

Always one of my favorites.

It’s a song about a colorful Key West character who’s done his share of living loudly and loving deeply, yet still understands there are adventures left to chase and dreams left to pursue. The chorus rolled in, familiar and comforting:

“And Jimmy, there’s still so much to be done.”

The workout ended. I was drenched. My watch informed me that I’d burned 676 calories in 1 hour, 13 minutes, and 45 seconds. Despite feeling like a wet noodle that had been run through a spin cycle, I smiled climbing back into the Jeep.

At my age, I don’t take any of this for granted. The ability to move my body. The privilege of showing up. The friends waiting beside me at the gym. The coffee waiting at home. The ridiculous concern that my sleepless night might somehow ruin pool opening day at Chez Kiki.

Ninety minutes earlier, I’d been carrying the weight of all my worries. Now, I was ready to tackle the rest of the day.

Another cup of coffee. A Zero Sugar Gatorade. This blog. Tiny sparks, perhaps, but enough to light the way forward.

The music hasn’t stopped yet.

So I’ll keep reading your words each morning. I’ll keep singing Buffett songs in the Jeep. I’ll keep sweating through workouts, opening the pool, loving my people, and writing these stories while I still can. And every once in a while, when fear tries to convince me that time is running out, I’ll answer it the only way I know how.

“And Kiki… there’s still so much to be done.”

Say Cheese

The calendar reads June 4, 2026. Apparently, it is National Cheese Day.

Why not? There seems to be a national day for absolutely everything these days.

Today, however, I received a reminder of why cheese holds such a special place in my world. Please hold while I explain…

Cheese and I are old friends. There really isn’t a type of cheese I don’t enjoy (although Monterey Jack and I have never quite been on a first-name basis, and that’s okay. We smile politely and nod when we pass each other.)

Even now, after all these years, I automatically say “cheese” when posing for a picture. Truth be told, after a cocktail or two, I’ll often say fromage, which is French for cheese and somehow sounds far more sophisticated than anything I usually say.

Anyhoo, back to this morning’s reminder and how cheese came knocking on my Thursday door.

Ding.

A text from Jake.

He tells me that our local News12 station is reporting that today is National Cheese Day. He follows that up by saying cheese always reminds him of his former classmate, Matt.

Instantly, I smiled.

And instantly, I remembered why cheese became such an important part of our family’s story.

We were somewhere around the year 2000. Jake wandered into the kitchen wearing a tiny velour bathrobe, his hair sticking up in every possible direction. He shuffled toward the refrigerator with the confidence of a twenty-year-old who had been out all night and was desperately searching for something to revive him.

He knew exactly where he was going.

He also had a lot to say.

The words weren’t entirely clear, but the conversation coming out of this little human seemed endless. I stood there trying not to laugh because I didn’t want to interrupt whatever important business he was conducting. The running commentary lasted several minutes before he finally settled on milk. I swooped in, grabbed it for him, and went on with my day.

Months later, we returned to the pediatrician for a routine visit.

The usual questions came first.

Height?

Weight?

Walking?

Jumping?

Standing?

Then came speech.

“Any speech?”

I froze.

No.

Not recently.

My once-chatty little boy had gone silent.

The babbling, the chatter, the endless observations about his world had disappeared. There were blank stares and occasional outbursts of frustration, but very few words.

The doctor must have seen the panic spreading across my marquee-sized forehead.

“No need for alarm,” he said gently. “Let’s just explore some options and see if there are any delays.”

Many of you who have been here for a while know where those “options” eventually led. Testing resulted in Jake being diagnosed with Autism.

At the time, there were many discussions about children who stopped speaking after rounds of vaccines and never regained language. I never fully bought into that theory, although I will admit that every parent searches endlessly for answers when something changes so dramatically. To this day, I still wonder what happened. But that’s a road that can quickly lead to despair, so we’ll stay firmly planted on solid ground and keep moving forward.

The next two years were filled with specialists, teachers, therapists, and extraordinary people who patiently helped pull words back out of him.

Jake learned to communicate using visual cards. He would assemble words into sentences and show us what he needed. It was fascinating to watch the wheels turning in his head.

He was communicating.

Just differently.

At night, after everyone was asleep, I would sometimes find myself sitting in the laundry room crying and praying. I begged God to let us hear his voice again. I prayed for conversations. I prayed for words.

Just words.

Then the summer of 2005 arrived.

One evening, I opened the refrigerator and pulled out a package of Land O’Lakes American cheese to make Jake’s dinner—grilled cheese and Smiley Fries.

As I stood there, Jake suddenly appeared beside me.

“Cheese,” he said.

I froze.

The package nearly slipped from my hands.

My heart started racing.

“What was that, Jake?” I asked.

He pointed.

“Cheese.”

I stared at him.

Then he added:

“Matt eats cheese.”

Matt was a little boy in his class.

With a few more questions, we learned that Matt brought cheese sandwiches to school for lunch every day.

Jake smiled, turned around, and casually walked down the hallway as if he hadn’t just altered the course of my universe.

Meanwhile, I was leaning against the refrigerator, looking toward the ceiling.

Tears streamed down my face.

I thanked God for those three simple words.

“Matt eats cheese.”

Three words.

That’s all it took.

Three words that opened a door.

Three words that announced his voice had returned.

Three words that launched an entirely new world for our family.

And the conversations we’ve had since then?

Well, those are stories for future blogs.

Stay tuned for one involving a Spelling Bee.

Trust me.

That’s a hoot.

So yes, today may officially be National Cheese Day. Most people will celebrate with a charcuterie board, an extra slice of pizza, or perhaps a grilled cheese sandwich. Me? I’ll celebrate something entirely different. Every time I hear the word cheese, I’m transported back to that kitchen, standing in front of an open refrigerator while a little boy unknowingly answered years of prayers. It wasn’t just cheese. It was hope. It was progress. It was the beginning of conversations I once feared we might never have. And for that reason alone, cheese will always be one of my favorite words. 🧀❤️

Big Hair, Bigger Houses, and the Art of Letting Go

Daily Prompt 2781: Do You Believe in Minimalism?

By the time I was married and settling into my first home, the 1980s were in full swing. Everything was BIG. Bigger was better. Flashier was fabulous. Subtlety wasn’t exactly trending.

Even designers known for a more classic look were thinking on a grand scale. Ralph Lauren may have been more understated than some of his competitors, but there was nothing minimal about the price tag.

Houses in my area seemed to grow overnight. Once-modest Capes and Ranches were transformed into sprawling “McMansions” complete with five or six bedrooms, multiple en suites, and enough Jacuzzi tubs to start a small water park. Hot tubs appeared in backyards like dandelions in spring.

It was easy to get swept up in this larger-than-life lifestyle.

And swept up I was.

My love of shopping reached new heights in the late 1980s. Before the internet, there were catalogs stacked on coffee tables and weekends spent roaming the mall. Nail salons began popping up in every strip mall. Long acrylic nails in bright colors were practically required. It was fast, fun, and unapologetically over the top.

I was all in.

Picture it: a head full of curls that added several inches to my height, a Chevy Camaro, Madonna’s “Material Girl” blasting through the speakers, and Happy Hour somewhere along Long Island’s South Shore.

Life was about accumulating. Stuff wasn’t just stuff—it was success.

Then came 1995.

We bought our first house—a modest three-bedroom, one-bath ranch located mid-block on the very street where I grew up. For those of you who have been reading along for a while, this was the house that sat at Third Base during our neighborhood kickball games.

The price was right. The location was perfect.

We gutted it room by room and slowly made it our own. Infertility treatments were consuming much of our savings, so any dreams of creating a mini mansion would have to wait. Looking back, that turned out to be a blessing.

The years passed and eventually the kids arrived.

Along with the kids came more stuff.

My clothing collection migrated to the basement where everything was neatly organized. Winter wardrobes swapped effortlessly with summer wardrobes. I had bins, systems, categories, and labels. It was practically a retail operation.

Then Jules went away to college.

Every time she came home, she brought more belongings. The basement accepted each new arrival like an overbooked hotel somehow finding room for one more guest.

Then COVID arrived.

Suddenly we were all home. All the time.

The walls started feeling a little closer.

Determined not to give up my daily workouts, I found an incredible gym program on Zoom. The only problem was that I didn’t particularly want my fellow exercisers staring at my carefully stacked clothing bins every morning. So I carved out a sleek little workout space that looked far more impressive on camera than the rest of the basement.

It worked beautifully.

For about eighteen months.

Then one day I read an article about an artist in New York City who had passed away. Everything she owned was emptied from her apartment and piled curbside. The photographs were heartbreaking. An entire life reduced to mountains of possessions stretching down the block.

I couldn’t stop thinking about it.

Who was going to clear out my forever when I was gone?

Certainly not my children.

Years of watching HGTV and countless decluttering videos and podcasts had entertained me, but none of them prepared me for that realization.

Then I discovered The Gentle Art of Swedish Death Cleaning by Margareta Magnusson.

Despite the dramatic title, it isn’t about scrubbing floors or polishing furniture. It’s about intentionally reducing what you own so the people you love aren’t left with the overwhelming task of sorting through a lifetime of belongings after you’re gone.

The concept hit me like a ton of decorative throw pillows.

This process has been life-changing.

I’ve looked around my home and realized just how much unnecessary spending has occurred since about 1988. Some of it made sense. Much of it didn’t. Yet every object seemed to come attached to a memory, a season, or a version of myself that I wasn’t quite ready to release.

But little by little, I’m learning.

I’m not talking about moving into one of those Tiny Houses that seem to be all the rage. I still enjoy my creature comforts. I simply want less clutter, less maintenance, less excess, and more room to breathe.

Funny enough, my hair has already come down a few inches from its 1980s peak. Perhaps it’s only fitting that the rest of my life follows suit.

These days, I don’t think minimalism is about owning as little as possible. It’s about being intentional. It’s about making room for what matters and letting go of what doesn’t. The memories aren’t in the bins, the closets, or the boxes stacked in the basement. They’re in the stories, the laughter, the photographs, and the people who shared those moments with us. If I’ve learned anything during this journey, it’s that a life well-lived isn’t measured by how much we accumulate. It’s measured by what we leave behind in the hearts of the people we love.