The What Ifs Were Strong At 5:15 This Morning

I’ve been fighting the notion of that I never reached my original goals from my early years. Beating myself up over not applying to Notre Dame. Not having a glass enclosed corner office while building my empire from the ground up. Constantly criticizing myself for not “making it”. Oh yeah? 

Well if I had those things I’d have never be sitting here at house 87 about to take a shower to head to a job that I secretly love. It’s only the second position I’ve held since college. I wouldn’t be staring at the bathroom wall in the house we scraped to save for and made ours. I wouldn’t be thinking about everyone’s daily schedules and what to have for dinner. I wouldn’t be in love with my two kids who I waited ten years to have and hold. My dog wouldn’t be guarding the door like a bouncer outside a rockstar’s dressing room. And…I certainly wouldn’t be so positively grateful to be on the brink of turning 60.

Oh come on now –  I still have dreams of what I want to do and where to go. The dreams are so specific that I can smell the fresh paint on the walls of my beach house. That specific. Am I happy my life didn’t take a different turn? The answer is yes. I landed just where I was needed to be at precisely the right times. Twists. Turns. Bad decisions that turned into incredible lessons.

What if I’d never ended up here? The truth is – I never want to find out.