KikiFikar

You ARE Enough

I entered the parking lot of Shop Rite at 1:43 p.m. on a Sunday afternoon knowing full well I was in for a hectic shopping experience. It was the day before Passover and people were driving like crazed lunatics trying to grab the last parking spot. It was like a modern day version of “Musical Chairs”. I knew if the parking lot was like this that inside the store would be pure chaos. Armed for battle with my reusable TJ Maxx turquoise/paisley bag and the determination of an army I followed the crowd through the front door.

My first encounter with a small mob of people was exactly what I expected. Arguments over who reached the banana display first with their cart. I was able to escape the “I was first” melee that was brewing and ducked down Aisle 2 in Health and Beauty. People were flying past me, some shouting into their phones while others texted and rammed their carts into me because they were swallowed up in thought.

Trying to enter and exit each aisle was ultra challenging in that you needed to jockey for position into a lane and pull yourself around all while I tried to keep my poker face in check so I didn’t let my “I am starting to lose it” look appear. The truth was I was starting to lose it. I was trying to keep it in check and not let things create a tidal wave that would wash over me.

After successfully completing my supermarket scavenger hunt as I like to call it, I tried to find the check out line which I knew would be not only long but filled with complaints from people who just like to complain to anyone who will listen.

I settled into the line at Aisle 12. Behind me was a woman with a cart overflowing with groceries. She was on the phone with her mother reviewing what was needed for Passover dinner. Her voice got more and more frantic as she talked. There was silence when she hung up. That’s when I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned around and she said “Excuse me but I would love to take a picture of your hoodie.” I must of looked at her funny because I forgot what I was wearing. Recently I discovered an ad campaign on Instagram that introduced me to a hoodie that said “You are enough” and on the back “Dear person behind me, the world is a better place with you in it…Love, the person in front of you.” When I looked back she had tears in her eyes. This launched a convo that really made me dig deep all while passing Tide laundry pods and Gain fabric softener (which by the way is on sale this week). We chatted about all the negativity in the world and letting life take you over. I said I forget to reset and remember who I am. I’m guilty of it in major ways some days and before you know it, you’re on a monster line in a supermarket trying to remember your own name. We reached the register line and she introduced herself and said thank you for making me smile today. I wished her a happy holiday and we left to carry on with our Sunday lives.

I took the long way home and started to think about the conversation. I get caught up in my life, my crushing insecurities, and the day to day events. This forms a wall built by bricks of low self esteem. If I keep myself on this hamster wheel fueled by daily tasks, I can hit top speeds and start to spiral out of control. My mind won’t shut off. By day three of any given week I’m a mess. I compare myself to everything and everyone instead of remembering who I am. Who I am at the core is how I’ve arrived at this place at Level 58 in life. I may not be where I thought I would be but the truth is – are any of us there? Sure, I still need to take on life’s daily tasks but every once in a while I need to step back and remember that it’s not a race. I certainly don’t have to be first (I never am and that is ok). I struggle with this deeply.

Next time you are waiting in line and the frenzied, overwhelming feeling starts to bubble up from your toes, remember that the world really is a better place with you in it. The alternative notion of leaving early is not a thought. It’s hard work but we have to try. Please know you ARE enough.

Originally released April 2024

We’re All In This Together

Twenty years ago, these words took up permanent residence in my head. They moved in, unpacked, and never left.

We’re all in this together

Once we know

That we are

We’re all stars…

You know the rest. Of course you do. Because once Troy Bolton and Gabriella Montez locked eyes at a ski resort on New Year’s Eve, none of us were ever quite the same again.

It was a modern-day Grease—two teenagers from opposite ends of the high school social spectrum, finding each other despite sports jerseys and brainiac reputations. Only this time, it came with Disney polish, catchy choreography, and songs that burrowed into your soul and refused to be evicted.

High School Musical premiered on January 20, 2006, and just like that, it became part of our family fabric. We didn’t just watch it—we lived it. We bought everything. Blankets. Sweatshirts. Bedding. Somewhere deep in the basement (next to the holiday decorations and the forgotten treadmill) lives the Barbie-condo-style East High, complete with every doll and character from every possible scene. Proof that at one point in time, this movie ruled our world.

There were trips to Disney, of course. And yes, I once found myself in the middle of a flash mob at Hollywood Studios, dancing to We’re All In This Together with confidence that can only come from secretly learning the choreography on YouTube. I surprised the kids after a very fun lunch, arms flailing, heart full. I also quietly began setting money aside in case they ever needed behavioral therapy to process that memory. Parenting is about balance.

So here’s a heartfelt shoutout to Disney—for creating a world that wasn’t just for kids, but for us. The Disney Channel. The stars. The concerts. The magic. It gave us permission to dance in our living rooms, sing in our cars, and connect with our children in a way that felt joyful and effortless. Those moments mattered. They still do.

Today, while I was at work, the family group text exploded.

Madre! It’s today! HSM 20th Anniversary!

And suddenly, twenty years disappeared. I could see the blankets, hear the music, feel the energy of a time when togetherness looked like sitting side by side on the couch, singing at the top of our lungs, believing—if only for a moment—that dreams really do come true when we stand hand in hand.

Because some songs don’t just mark an era.

They mark a family.

And no matter how much time passes, we really are still all in this together.

Backspace…Backspace…Backspace.

As writers, we are forever editing. We add, enhance, delete—or sometimes, in my case, crumble up the paper and start all over again. When I’m writing on a computer or tablet, I’ll find myself cruising along at a good clip. Then I stop to collect my thoughts. Change that—backspace… backspace… backspace. Insert new words. Resume.

Some of the changes I make are dramatic. Others are so minuscule they’d go unnoticed by anyone else. But I know the difference. I never hit publish until I feel that all of me is standing behind my message. Some may call this perfectionism. My family calls it OCD. Either way, it’s my personal policy: nothing gets released into the writer’s universe unless it truly sounds like me.

Changes.

It’s a new year, and almost everyone is armed with resolutions—whether you call them goals, intentions, or improvements. Maybe you frame it as an enhancement, but it’s still a decision to do something differently. This year, I thought: why not make it a year of rephrasing? A tweak. A shift. A new approach. Still a change, just a subtler one.

In the middle of my class at the gym this morning, I glanced down at my heart rate as I pushed hard on the Assault Bike. My watch flashed 166—solidly in the orange zone. I rolled my eyes and muttered under my breath, “I’m too old for this effing %^+# sh*t. And yet I’ll be back here at 9 a.m. tomorrow.”

Backspace. Backspace. Backspace.

“I get to be back here tomorrow at 9 a.m.”

New spin. Reframing things will serve me far better. Yes, I’m older—but I’m still doing this six days a week, and I feel damn good. That matters.

I don’t have to do anything. I get to do everything. And for the next 348 days, when things feel heavy or rough or just plain exhausting, I’ll pause, reconsider, and edit accordingly. Because sometimes the most powerful change we can make isn’t rewriting the story at all—it’s simply knowing when to hit backspace and choose better words to keep going.

Just Because I Can’t Sing Doesn’t Mean I Won’t Sing

Come up with a crazy business idea.

I know my Mom is a fan of mine, but I’m not entirely convinced she’s a fan of my big business ideas. Over the years I’ve had several monster ideas — the kind that feel wildly successful over coffee — yet somehow never make it past the table.

My mom just smiles, pauses, and says,

“But your intentions are wonderful, Karen Anne.”

Which loosely translates to: Please don’t quit your day job.

One big idea was born at karaoke during a friend’s birthday. After a few pitchers of sangria for the table, we all started signing up to sing. Now, I cannot sing. That has never once stopped me.

As the night went on, I noticed something unsettling: mixed in with the rest of us were actual professionals. I locked in on one guy who signed up for three songs. Three. He crushed every one. At one point he left the room and came back in a different shirt. I leaned over and whispered,

“Who is this guy — Diana Ross with the costume changes?”

I needed answers.

After his final number, I followed him and struck up a conversation. Turns out he studied voice at Juilliard. He’d hoped to get involved with the early days of American Idol but didn’t know how. Karaoke became his accidental foot in the door — local buzz, local bands, momentum building.

I wished him well and went home to nurse what was absolutely going to be a brutal hangover.

The next morning, walking the dog, I started laughing about the night before. Some of those people were really good. Like, shouldn’t-be-followed-by-me good. And yet there I was, forcing them to endure my heartfelt rendition of The Partridge Family’s “I Think I Love You.”

(Always dedicated to Ruben Kincaid. IYKYK.)

And that’s when inspiration struck.

What if there were a karaoke competition show? Real people. Real bars. Different regions each season, narrowed down to regional winners, all leading to a national finale. Contestants would sing their signature song with the original recording artist on stage.

Each singer gets a bio piece — their story, their bar, interviews with regulars who confidently declare, “We’ve been telling them they’re amazing for years.”

The show would be called Mic Drop.

I was still casting the host in my head. For a while it was Adam Sandler. But then he went and got too famous, so I had to quietly remove him from my fantasy lineup.

I’m still in development at my dining room table.

Maybe my mom is right. My ideas are big and grand, but this one never quite made it to the stage. Still, somewhere in a neighborhood bar, the next breakout star is warming up — probably changing shirts — and I like to think I heard them first.

🎤🎤🎤🎤🎤🎤🎤🎤🎤🎤🎤🎤🎤🎤🎤🎤🎤🎤

Copyright 2026 © mobileorderforkaren All rights reserved. No part of this work may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the author, except in the case of brief quotations used in critical reviews or scholarly work. This work is protected under domestic and international copyright laws. Unauthorized use or reproduction of this material is strictly prohibited and may result in legal action.

Exit Stage Left

What are your thoughts on the concept of living a very long life?

I don’t think I ever truly considered death until I gave birth. Ironic, isn’t it? Bringing life into the world and suddenly being terrified of leaving it. I remember rocking Julia to sleep at night, the soft hum of CD-101.9—New York’s Cool Jazz station—filling the room, whispering prayers like “please let me live long enough to hold Julia’s children. Let me see her experience life as a mother.”

The years, of course, did what years always do. They flew. My stories of raising J & J are well documented here and will continue to be retold for as long as I’m able to tell them. It’s no secret these two have aged me decades—sometimes within a single twelve-hour stretch—but the trade-off was always worth it. I prayed for time the way some people pray for money or miracles. I wanted all of it. Forever, if possible.

And here we are, a quarter of the way through the millennium, with things feeling a little…unsteady. Two bouts of melanoma—a Stage 3 and a Stage 1—plus a side of basal cell carcinoma for kicks. A major overturned car accident in 2023. The kind of things that leave scars, visible and invisible. They changed me, but they didn’t finish me. I’ve been training daily since 2014 and I have no intention of stopping now. Movement still feels like defiance. Like gratitude.

My thoughts on death shifted in 2024. The girl who once wanted to live forever said goodbye to her dad—a man who slipped away in pieces. First his memories of us, stolen almost overnight and tossed off a cliff, never to be recovered. Then his faculties. Then, finally, the lights went out. Watching someone die is its own kind of death. Quiet. Relentless. It rewires something inside you that never fully returns to its original shape.

This summer, floating in the pool, I found myself staring up at the clouds as they drifted and rearranged themselves. I wondered—like I always do—what the clouds look like on the inside of Heaven. For most of my life, I never wanted to know. I feared stepping through the gates.

Now… I’m okay with the idea of exiting stage left – hopefully before my story reaches the chapter where sickness lingers longer than living. I want a graceful exit. A smile. The comfort of knowing J & J are happy and settled in their own lives.

And honestly? Knowing what I know now about who they’ve become, I could be okay leaving earlier than I once planned. Not because I love life any less—but because I’ve loved it fully, fiercely, and with my whole heart.

“Yesterday You Said Tomorrow”

If you had a freeway billboard, what would it say?

I remember when Nike didn’t just sell sneakers — it sold permission. Permission to stop waiting. Permission to move before you felt ready. That billboard in the middle of the city didn’t whisper motivation; it called you out. Yesterday you said tomorrow. Ouch. Truth hurts when it’s accurate.

Procrastination has always worn a polite disguise. It tells us we’re being thoughtful, strategic, responsible. Nike ripped that mask right off and replaced it with three simple words that became a cultural nudge: Just Do It. Not perfectly. Not someday. Now.

Somewhere between tying our laces and stepping out the door, society absorbed the message. Start the run. Write the page. Make the call. Because tomorrow is a promise we keep breaking with the best of intentions. And sometimes all it takes is a billboard, a brand, and a little tough love to remind us that momentum beats waiting every single time.

Lend Me Your Ear…

What is the greatest gift someone could give you?

I like to think of myself as a loyal friend and an active listener. And by active, I don’t mean the polite nodding while mentally composing a grocery list. I listen to understand. I hear the words, the pauses, the tone, and the stuff that’s being said without being said at all.

Living in a house with four humans and one four-legged adult (I swear she’s human) means things get loud and busy fast. My radar is always on, tuned to everyone’s frequency. If you need me, I’m there—ready to respond. Are there days when I miss things? Of course. Distractions happen. But for the most part, I’m on duty. Always.

The problem is, not everyone’s ears are open.

Screens are permanently attached to noses, and AirPods seem to be surgically implanted into ear canals. A solid 65% of the things I say are met with, “When did you tell me that?” or my personal favorite, “I must have missed that one.” Really? Fascinating.

As a result, I’ve evolved. I now document important information in the family group chat. If someone claims they missed the visual cue, I send a screenshot. Evidence. Receipts. Occasionally, I go full Super Snark and call one of the residents while they are literally in the same room as me. Is it obnoxious? Yes. But so is being ignored.

Which brings me back to this morning. Coffee in hand, planning the rest of my day, I offered to make resident number one another cup. Silence. No response. So I poured my own.

Moments later, I hear, “I’d love another cup.”

Ah yes. The echo of a moment too late.

And that’s really the thing, isn’t it? We hear plenty, but we don’t always listen. Not fully. Not intentionally. Not in a way that makes someone feel seen, valued, or even mildly acknowledged in their own kitchen.

So here’s my ask—simple and maybe a little overdue: lend me your ear. Put the screen down. Pause the podcast. Take the AirPod out. Because listening—real listening—might just be the greatest gift we can give one another. And I promise, the coffee tastes better when it’s heard the first time. ☕👂

I Need More Words From You…

It may come as a shock to those who truly know me, but there was a time when I struggled to express myself out loud. Writing? That was always easy. Pen to paper felt safe. But if I had to actually say how I felt—voice an opinion, name an emotion—I’d clam right up.

When I was ten years old, we lost my mom’s uncle. I don’t remember him all that well, but his wife—my Aunt Anna, one of my grandmother’s sisters—was a big part of my life. I remember her sadness when Uncle Charles passed.

I sat down and wrote her a letter. I told her that I loved her and that I didn’t want her to feel unhappy when she thought of Uncle Charles. I asked her to remember how he made her feel. I couldn’t say these words out loud, but I could place them carefully on blank paper. I left the letter on a pile of Mass cards at the wake.

Years later, my mom told me that letter made her cry. Aunt Anna had called to say my words helped her through a very dark time. Even then, I didn’t fully understand what writing could do—but somewhere deep inside, I knew it mattered.

Fast forward to my senior year of high school. I took a Creative Writing course taught by Eugene Murphy. He was so damn talented. A laid-back literary with the biggest head I’d ever seen—physically and intellectually. After my first three assignments earned nothing higher than a “B” or “B+,” he called me over after class one day.

He looked at me and said, “Eastwood, I need more words from you. You have more to say. Let it flow.”

That afternoon, I walked into town and bought a three-pack of marble notebooks and a fresh pack of Bic pens. That night, I started narrating everything. The new toothpaste in the bathroom. The gut-punch feeling of finding out everyone was invited to a party at Eleni’s house except me. The neighbors painting their house blue after it had been red for as long as I could remember. I wrote about everything.

Three notebooks turned into fifty. Typewriters were upgraded. White paper was bought in bulk. I dreamed of writing for television, though I never imagined success beyond Mr. Murphy’s classroom. I wasn’t writing for an audience. I was writing for me—and for the greeting cards I sent each year. Still, I kept dreaming.

When I created this blog, I kept it private. Then one day, I uploaded my first piece to Facebook. I nearly threw up when I hit “Publish” on WordPress. The kind of nausea that comes from vulnerability, not food poisoning. To my surprise, kind words came back to me. That wasn’t why I published it.

I write to express. I write to process. I write to share what I think and feel in the only way that has ever fully made sense to me.

And now, here we are—in a community of writers. I devour what all of you write and publish. Truly. It’s extraordinary to be surrounded by people brave enough to put their words out into the world.

So please—don’t ever stop writing.

As we wrap up 2025, I’ll borrow the words that changed everything for me and carry them with us into 2026:

I need more words from you.

My Room With a View

You get to build your perfect space for reading and writing. What’s it like?

Truthfully, I’ve never had a proper space dedicated to reading or writing. My words have always had to find me where they could—between sips of coffee, while waiting for an appointment, or parked crookedly in the corner of a lot with the engine still running. I jot down notes for character development in single subject spiral notebooks or journals I grab while on line at Home Goods. I scribble—and I do mean scribble—half-formed thoughts I’m afraid will disappear if I don’t trap them fast enough. Some days I take screenshots of something that sparks me and layer text over it, just so I don’t forget the little nugget I stumbled across.

There are days when a blog idea arrives fully formed, demanding immediate attention. Those are the ones you don’t negotiate with. I’ve pulled into parking lots to write entire pieces because the fear of losing my original point was louder than the honking cars around me. Some blogs have been born in my laundry room, spoken softly into voice notes on my phone while socks tumbled nearby (and plotting their escape from my dryer). You truly never know where my brain kernels might start to pop.

But given the chance, I’d retreat to the space I’ve already built a hundred times over in my mind. I dream big—and in specifics. Some days I can smell the fresh paint on the walls as I open my laptop and begin to type.

The view is an ocean, stretching endlessly in front of a floor-to-ceiling window. No panes. No grids. Just sheer glass, uninterrupted, so nothing competes with the water beyond it. The only movement comes from rolling waves and slow-drifting clouds that seem to nod knowingly as they hover over the salt air. Maybe a couple wanders by, walking their dog, unbothered and unhurried.

I go back and forth between a simple desk made of vintage surfboards or one crafted from reclaimed wood. Either one speaks to me. What matters most is that it holds one of the many coffee mugs I rotate through—designs ranging from Bob’s Burgers characters to my college logo to our high school football team. Each one tells its own small story, just like the words I’m trying to catch.

A custom sound system is built into the room, quietly shuffling through playlists and motivational pieces I’ve collected over the years. Black-and-white photos from my life line the side walls—moments frozen in time, grounding me. Behind my desk sits a full, fluffy pale yellow couch, draped in layers of cornflower blue blankets. Oversized, comfy-chic pillows balance the space, inviting pauses, rereads, and the occasional stare-out-the-window moment.

Maybe one day that room will exist beyond my imagination. Or maybe it already does—just not in four walls and a perfect view. Because the truth is, my writing has never waited for ideal conditions. It shows up in parking lots, laundry rooms, coffee lines, and quiet moments I almost miss. And maybe that’s the real space I’ve built: one where words know they’re always welcome, no matter where I am when they decide to arrive.

The Nice List

I work hard all year.

Not the kind of hard that comes with trophies or titles but the kind where you try to keep everyone happy, even when you’re running on fumes. The kind that doesn’t always get noticed… until it does.

Lately, I’ve been wanting to bring back the Christmas spirit I feel like I misplaced somewhere between responsibilities, routines, and real life. You know—that spark that used to come so easily when December rolled in.

Today, in the middle of an ordinary day, I ran into an old friend. Red suit. White beard. Very familiar twinkle in his eye. He asked me if I’d been good this year—and just like that, I felt eight years old again.

Then he asked what was on my Christmas list.

I thought about it for a moment. No gadgets. No things. No shiny distractions. I told him I really just want to concentrate on my writing. On telling stories that make people feel seen. On spreading a little happiness wherever my words might land.

He smiled. The kind of smile that tells you he already knows the answer.

And just like that, I’m pretty sure I made the nice list—not because I was good, but because I kept showing up with heart. Sometimes, that’s the biggest Christmas thing of all. 🎄✨