“And I Wonder Who’s Loving You?”

I used to sing those lyrics every day after school and every weekend for years. They came from the smash hit Who’s Loving You? by the Jackson 5, featured on their first album. I received that record for my fifth birthday, about a year after the Jackson 5 burst onto the scene and into all of our lives.

That group had everything I loved as a child—a sound unlike anything else, infectious energy, and dance moves I studied and tried my best to copy. My love affair with choreography started early, and if you’ve read some of my other Kiki creations, you already know that.

Today at 2:45, Jules and I settled into Row J, Seats 16 and 17, to watch Michael—the new film centered on the early chapters of Michael Jackson’s life and career. I’ll watch a movie anywhere, but put me in a real theater—with surround sound, popcorn, and a large Diet Coke—and I’m instantly transported into the screen for a bird’s-eye view of the story.

Michael was portrayed by his nephew, Jafar Jackson (Jermaine’s son, for those who may need a refresher on the famous family tree). You can Google…go ahead. I’ll wait.

The movie offered an intimate glimpse into what many of us had heard whispered through the years and sometimes confirmed by Michael himself: he was treated terribly by his father. The abuse was heartbreaking. The film showed how Michael escaped those realities by immersing himself in old comedy films, cartoons, and fantasy. His love of Peter Pan and the inspiration behind Neverland were woven into that narrative.

And before anyone wonders—if you’re looking for commentary on the more controversial chapters of his life, you won’t find it here. There’s no room for speculation in these lines. What I am here to say is simple: I remain in awe of Michael’s talent, and he was undeniably an icon of my generation.

The movie was bold, emotional, and brilliantly done. Jules mentioned that many legal matters were never fully resolved, which meant several important figures in Michael’s life were left out entirely. Names like Diana Ross and his sister Janet were among those absent from the storyline.

As the movie moved forward, I found myself vividly remembering what it was like to watch Michael rise—not just as a star, but as an artist who became larger than life.

His music is stitched into the fabric of my memories.

His early solo songs played while I roller-skated each week. Later, hits like Bad and P.Y.T. filled bars and clubs during and after my college years. In August of 1984, I sat in the nosebleed seats at Madison Square Garden for the Victory Tour. Michael—and his brothers—were electric. I can still feel the pulse of that crowd, my seat vibrating, and the floor shaking as people danced in the aisles.

Near the end of the film, I glanced to my right and saw Jules beaming.

She grew up on Michael Jackson because of me.

One of the funniest stories from Chez Fikar goes back to the days of the Wii. There was a game called The Michael Jackson Experience, built entirely around recreating Michael’s choreography. You danced with the remote, and the game scored you based on how accurate your moves were.

My daughter, being the fiercely competitive child she was then (and, I maintain, still is), was endlessly frustrated because she could never beat my score.

One day I finally told her:

“Face it. This is my music, and I lived it years before you came along!”

So now, watching Jules bop along to those same songs as an adult is more gratifying than I can put into words.

There will be no spoilers here.

There is talk of another film covering the later chapters of Michael’s life being released next year. I’m not sure I’d want to see that one.

That would mean revisiting the day the world learned of Michael’s passing—June 25, 2009.

I can’t.

Honestly… I never can say goodbye to Michael.

Unknown's avatar

Author: KikiFikar

Kiki Fikar is a native New Yorker who is passionate about taking the day to day life we all experience and sharing it in her tales from Suburbia. She will often be found at the gym, writing snippets each day for future story lines, listening to her two children create their lives, and building the perfect beachfront home and writing retreat in her mind.

33 thoughts on ““And I Wonder Who’s Loving You?””

  4. ❤️ a beautiful tribute. thank you for sharing such a heartfelt piece of yourself. your writing is so impactful.

    this song, I think, will remain timeless and a romantic reminder of the world all of us once lived in. maybe one day, it will all come back. it’s no wonder that when dedications were made in his passing – this was the song everyone sang:

    ah those sweet tears of memories! 🙏🏻❤️

    Liked by 1 person

  5. “Just put your trust in my heart”… my God I can still feel the lyrics in that song. Like it was yesterday! Geez my friend. Thank you for another reminder of his greatness and how he touched all of us with that love. We all NEED more of it. It WILL return. I know it will.

    Thank you for everything my friend! ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Cool. I did not know there was a film on his life. I will have to check it out. He was a generational talent and rumors, unfounded should be ignored. People do that to famous people for monetary gain.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. How incredible it must have been to see him in concert. I would give anything. I do remember moonwalking down Jackson Street in Seattle to try to set a record. That was on June 28, 2009, shortly after his passing. I was grateful to be a part of that. And looking it up on Google I guess we did set a record. Yay.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Wholeheartedly agree! The tabloids crucified him. The bottom line was that he was just immensely talented and by all accounts a philanthropist beyond measure.

    Like

  10. Great piece! loved reading it. I love Michael too… huge fan. also the old J5 stuff… every once in a while I get it all going on shuffle play… now I’m gonna have to go see the movie. 😎

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Meh. Seen it all before on tv in ’92 in The Jacksons: An American Dream. It seems weird to me that they left out Janet. Were the other sisters mentioned ?

    Liked by 1 person

  16. Oh Yes….

    Michael wasn’t just music… he was a whole part of growing up. I can relate to that heavy. I’ve always been, and always will be, a huge Michael Jackson fan too, no matter all the bad or negative talk that’s been out there. His talent, his impact… you just can’t deny it.

    And yeah, hearing that Jafar Jackson sounds like him? That alone makes me want to see the movie. That’s special.

    I used to sing those songs all the time too… after school, weekends, just playing them over and over. That music sticks with you for life.

    That line you said at the end… I get that. Some people you just don’t outgrow, and you don’t say goodbye to.

    Liked by 1 person

  18. I saw partly on a local Atlanta show this morning… the guy that plays… I think Marlon… in the movie… is from Morrow GA… which is a suburb of Atlanta… I went to elementary school there… you’re welcome 😊

    Liked by 1 person

  21. Never ever can you say goodbye to someone who was such a big part of your life. Let me know if you see the movie. All of it was good but one particular scene I almost fell out of my recliner seat. My daughter was like Mom get it together. lol

    Liked by 1 person

  25. I am and have been for many, many years a big Michael Jackson fan! I followed his career like millions of other folks! I’d say the thing that I admired most was that he was a great singer for sure but he also had those amazing moves! I’m not sure when or if we will ever see another entertainer put those two things together like Michael Jackson did! I’m a functional trainer, so “movement” is a really big thing for me and he did that so well! I haven’t seen the movie yet but I assure you that I will! Thanks so much for your post!

    Liked by 1 person

  26. Hello my fellow Michael fan!!! Yes let me know what you think of the movie! He was truly one of a kind. I took 19 years of dance but still to this day cannot moonwalk!

    Like

  27. Michael was super talented, and I really like a lot of his songs. I’m glad you were able to watch the movie. I think this is the kind of film you need to see on the big screen.

    Liked by 1 person

  29. Oh, I’m with you there. We go to the movie theater all the time. I even saw Project Hail Mary twice (once with my son and then with my wife). I always get popcorn regardless of whether I’m full or not, I want the whole experience. 😀

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a comment